On breakfast

Don't invite me.

I hate cafes.

I hate my friends asking me to go for breakfast with them. We live in Melbourne. Do you not have a coffee subscription and a wanky, unnecessary set up sitting on your counter? I fucking do.

I also hate being given the option of eggs, eggs on slops, eggs on shit bread with slops on the side, oatmeal or last night’s cold oatmeal as food options. I have a rule that if I can make the same food at home in five minutes or less, I am not dragging my arse out, sitting somewhere that is child-friendly, waiting for service and paying for it. I am never that hungover. I am also never that sociable.