On content

making me disconent.

I have wanted to delete all my social media for the last few years. It’s pointless. It’s endless navel-gazing. It’s curated narcissism. It’s noise.

It’s paid partnerships, sponsored content and food for comment.

It’s influencers eating in the same restaurants and their shitty voiceovers regurgitating the same information from the media release with these dumb fuck words sprinkled throughout the script:

• gatekeep, as in, “I can’t gatekeep this any longer.” What? You mean you can’t gatekeep a brand new venue a PR company has just emailed you about when your entire account is about popular food venues? Wild.

• literally, as in, “I literally use the word literally when I mean figuratively.” Fuck you.

• umami, as in, “Oh my god, this was so umami.” Was it? Was it sooooooo umami? Or do you lack the palate and vocabulary to describe what you’re eating?

• viral, as in, “I’m in this viral bakery.” It makes me think of Contagion. Also, of course, it’s popular (holy shit, did I think of a synonym all on my own?). It’s a low-cost, food-porny item you can pretend to eat for clicks. Bonus points if it is just out of the city. But I’d love to know if it is genuinely good and if you’d go back once the hype has died down. I’m gonna go with no.

• vibes, as in, “I love the vibes.” What vibes, diva? You’re clearly at the media launch with your friends. Tell me what it’s like on a Tuesday when you’re paying for the snot course with your own money.

• yum, as in, “This was so yum.” Go to jail.

• crispy/tender, as in, “This actually tasted like buttholes, but I only know the words ‘crispy’ and ‘tender’ to describe texture in food.” I hate you.

• unique, as in, “This restaurant concept is totally unique.” I am sorry, it is not. It’s either from a massive group, a subcategory from the proliferation of wine bars, or an ethnic eatery where the aunty wants you to get the fuck out. Please consult your dictionary.

• authentic, as in, “This tastes so authentic, exactly like the tourist trap food I ate because I am scared of food poisoning on holiday.” You do not have the experience or cultural competency to claim any sort of authenticity. Even if a POC is calling something authentic, unless it is from their background, it’s the white gaze talking.